Tanya Jefferies, of This is Money, replies: It is common for adult children who remain living in the family home, and potentially caring for elderly parents for many years, to be unable to afford to stay on after they lose both of them.
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Given that the letter of wishes is not legally binding, you should bear in mind that the trustees’ legal obligation would be to act in the best interests of the beneficiaries and to ensure that they are all treated fairly.
For example, if you have other assets, you might ask that your daughter and her family remain in the house, using the other assets to maintain the house.
My daughter, her partner, child and baby due this spring live with us as they cannot afford to rent or buy somewhere.
Whatever you decide, changing your will and not splitting the house between the three siblings could cause upset between them, or even be challenged by your step-sons.
A letter of wishes is a non-legally binding document that would accompany your will, and provides guidance and insights into what you want to happen to your estate.
Therefore, you should discuss what you are thinking with all three in advance, so that they know what to expect and why.
If you are contemplating the scenario where you have both died, and your daughter and her family are living in the large house but unable to afford it, you have a number of options to prepare for this eventuality.
This letter can offer specific instructions or preferences on various matters.
However, I am unsure what maintenance is needed, whether there is a mortgage outstanding on the house, and how much it would cost to maintain the house.
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You might even decide that, since your daughter has benefited so much, your step-sons and their families would then be due a greater share of the estate.
They have been with us for five-plus years. What arrangements can we make when one of us dies as there will not be enough money to maintain the house?
After a certain length of time or at some event, such as when your daughter is able to rent another property, the house could be sold and the proceeds of sale distributed to all the beneficiaries, along with your other assets.
The trustees are also required to pay tax, and have other financial considerations, so you should obtain specific advice to ensure that your trustees will be able to carry out your wishes.
